September 7, 2009

Conspiracy Theory

One of my favorite things to do in life, is to sleep in. But the universe doesn't want me to sleep, for some reason.

4:30 am - I wake up from a sound sleep to to find a 2-year old foot methodically kicking my face. Ryan can't sleep, so that means nobody can. I try to wiggle out of range, and manage to doze on and off till about 6:00am, when Lacy finally puts her in the playpen with some books. She reads to herself out loud for awhile (well, making noises out loud at any rate). But I think i fell asleep, cuz the next thing I knew, it was ....

7:00 am - "GOOD MORNING!" Hayley declares in her unreasonably loud speaking voice, the way 5-year-olds do. I groan, and quickly check if Ryan is still awake - nope, she fell asleep in her playpen with her nose in a book (literally). I groan again - now I'm on noise management duty - the ultimate goal: keep Ryan from waking at all costs, so I can stay in bed.

7:15 am - after getting Hayley settled in bed with us and making her understand why she needs to be quiet (which is really hard to do!), I think I'm finally good to get another hour or so of sleep - I nuzzle my pillow, let out a relaxed breath, and close my eyes.

7:16 am - CHIRP! The smoke alarm is hungry for some batteries. Why do they have to be so darn loud?? Ryan? Still asleep, thanfully. Hayley? chillin in bed, quiet at least. Me? On edge and can't sleep. Oh well, I make a mental note (for the 100th time) to get batteries for the smoke alarm, and start dozing again.

7:20 am - MEEEEOOOWWWW?! The cat cries in that questioning/demanding meow that just grates on your nerves and you can't ignore. Yeah, she's hungry, but its too early for breakfast and I'm trying to avoid getting up at all costs. I try yelling at her - but the loud whisper I use isn't effective. I look for something in reach that I can throw at her... My pillow is about it, but if I throw it, i'll have to get up to retrieve it, and thats no good. She's still meowing and will wake up Ryan if I don't take action very soon - I settle for a pillow swipe that I know (and she knows) won't reach her but may at least blow some air at her... Maybe if I make an angry face that looks threatening.... it works! She went to find a new diversion.

7:21 am - CHIRP!

7:25 am - "DADDY!" The blissfull quiet that Hayley was maintaining was too good to be true. And she's forgotten by now why she needs to be quiet. "Shhh!! ... What?" I ask in a whisper. "UM! .... I"M FIVE YEARS OLD!" she proudly declares. "Okay, okay. Hayley, be quiet, Ryan's sleeping. Do you want to go downstairs?" .... We discuss a little more, me trying to steer the conversation anywhere that ends with her being quiet as soon as possible - but she's a tough one.
7:30 am - MEOOW!!

7:31 am - CHIRP!!

7:32 am - DADDY!

7:33 am - CHIRP!!

7:34 am - MEOWW!!

7:35 am - DADDY!

.... and so on and so forth. Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I reluctantly get out of bed, go downstairs with Hayley to let Lacy sleep a little (I'm so nice, aren't I?) - Ryan's still asleep, miraculously.

7:45 am - "HONEY?" Lacy calls from our bedroom. I go up to check - and Ryan's awake! And so starts another thrilling day, Raising Richmeiers.

(you like how I worked the blog title in like that? I'm a literary genious, aren't I).

1 comment:

amylindsey said...

Jonas you crack me up! Just wait until Haley is old enough to get younger ones breakfast and turn on the tv... it's awesome! Of course it only works until 7:15 or so (maybe 8:30 on Saturdays) when its time to get everybody ready for the day ahead. Sigh, the joys of parenthood! Love the working in of the blog title and then misspelling of genius, hehe.

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