I've come to realize that during a given week, I spend the majority of those days with a headache. They're not always so bad. Some days the pain is just there, like a relentless fly that keeps buzzing around your head that will not be swatted away. And there are the days were my headache decides to take a turn for the worse and go into migraine mode. The days that I find myself without a headache are rare and I find that I worry myself too much wondering when the next one will begin.
I rate my headaches on a scale of one to ten. Although that horrible sudden onset headache I had little over a month ago was well beyond a ten. Normally, my headache lingers around a one to a three. Since I've weaned myself from ibuprofen and acetaminophen, things have not improved all that much. The headaches are still there and occasionally, once a week or so, a migraine. Only when my headache begins to hit a seven on my scale, I reach for a pain medication.
There was another medication that I was not able to take because I was still nursing Baby Jack. I struggled with the idea of weaning him. Some days my headaches would get the best of me and I knew one shot of Imitrex would take it all away. And other days, I just wasn't ready to let that bond go. Jack was not yet a year old and that was the goal I had in mind when it came to a timeline of nursing.
Baby Jack had other ideas though. A few weeks ago he had gotten to the point where he only nursed once, maybe twice a day; and he preferred to take a bottle other times. When he did actually nurse, he was always too distractable. He would only really commit to a feeding if he was tired and ready to sleep. After experimenting with formula to supplement once a day, Jack became fond of soy formula. (That's my boy!)
Jonas and I threw the idea around of weaning him completely, we could afford the extra cost of formula and I could get some headache relief. And then, one night, Jonas went to put Jack down for the night with a bottle of soy formula and Jack was fine. He gave me a little smile, took his bottle and made no fight when laid down in his crib for the night. I cried. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, but then again, maybe it was meant to be that way. Jack was ready. Even if I wasn't ready, I know that it's best given everything going on with me.
My neurology appointment is a little over a week away. I'm a bit anxious about it and also hoping for some answers. Now, I wait. I try to stay hydrated, limit caffeine intake and rest whenever possible. I also try to not feel like such a failure since I was not able to nurse my son for the first year like I had planned. Maybe I will go drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine, since I can do that now. (That was a joke, btw.)