February 21, 2011

Nearly Constant

I've come to realize that during a given week, I spend the majority of those days with a headache.  They're not always so bad.  Some days the pain is just there, like a relentless fly that keeps buzzing around your head that will not be swatted away.  And there are the days were my headache decides to take a turn for the worse and go into migraine mode.  The days that I find myself without a headache are rare and I find that I worry myself too much wondering when the next one will begin.

I rate my headaches on a scale of one to ten.  Although that horrible sudden onset headache I had little over a month ago was well beyond a ten.  Normally, my headache lingers around a one to a three.  Since I've weaned myself from ibuprofen and acetaminophen, things have not improved all that much.  The headaches are still there and occasionally, once a week or so, a migraine.  Only when my headache begins to hit a seven on my scale, I reach for a pain medication.

There was another medication that I was not able to take because I was still nursing Baby Jack.  I struggled with the idea of weaning him.  Some days my headaches would get the best of me and I knew one shot of Imitrex would take it all away.  And other days, I just wasn't ready to let that bond go.  Jack was not yet a year old and that was the goal I had in mind when it came to a timeline of nursing.

Baby Jack had other ideas though.  A few weeks ago he had gotten to the point where he only nursed once, maybe twice a day; and he preferred to take a bottle other times.  When he did actually nurse, he was always too distractable.  He would only really commit to a feeding if he was tired and ready to sleep.  After experimenting with formula to supplement once a day, Jack became fond of soy formula.  (That's my boy!) 

Jonas and I threw the idea around of weaning him completely, we could afford the extra cost of formula and I could get some headache relief.  And then, one night, Jonas went to put Jack down for the night with a bottle of soy formula and Jack was fine.  He gave me a little smile, took his bottle and made no fight when laid down in his crib for the night.  I cried.  This wasn't how it was supposed to be, but then again, maybe it was meant to be that way.  Jack was ready.  Even if I wasn't ready, I know that it's best given everything going on with me. 

My neurology appointment is a little over a week away.  I'm a bit anxious about it and also hoping for some answers.  Now, I wait.  I try to stay hydrated, limit caffeine intake and rest whenever possible.  I also try to not feel like such a failure since I was not able to nurse my son for the first year like I had planned.  Maybe I will go drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine, since I can do that now.  (That was a joke, btw.)   

1 comment:

Drea said...

I bet this won't be the last time that Jack does something to help take care of his mama! I hope you get some answers and relief from this pain, and SOON!

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