April 13, 2011

In Case You Were Wondering...

I'm still here!  Less than twenty-fours hours since my last post I was on a plane bound for Dallas with Ryan and Jack.  We were headed there to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday and then we headed down to Mississippi with my parents.  Jonas and Hayley joined us when her Spring Break started.  I have a few blogs planned about our time away, so stay tuned. 

In my last blog I mentioned that I was waiting for results on some blood work.  I was able to access my results online while I was away; so I wouldn't have to hound my doctor's office with phone calls.  All my results came back essentially normal except for the one indicating the inflammation in my blood.  And since that test isn't specific to anything, I have to have all of the tests done again in May. 

And of course, that means more waiting.  Since they are not yet entirely sure of what is going on with me, they have to wait and see what the blood work tells them.  And hope that it points them in some kind of a direction.  I'm still having my headaches.  I had a migraine two days ago.  I also have to be aware of signs with my headaches and call the neurologist immediately if anything out of ordinary happens. 

I'm still not entirely sure how to deal with all of this.  I don't know what is going on with me.  I don't know if I should be scared or not.  I worry.  I push it out of my mind.  I'm frustrated since everything seems to be pending.  I really just don't know what to do and I'm wading my way through all these different emotions.  Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated, and then I feel guilty for the outburst and whomever I directed it at.  Other times, I sad, depressed and worried.  And then there are times where it's not on my mind and I get a break.  But lately, those breaks aren't coming enough.


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